Christmas Ideas

I wanted to do things differently this Christmas and I wanted to see if my family would also want to do things a little differently too, so I sent them this letter.



Hello family, everyone who gathers at Grandma and Grandpa's,

We would like to open a dialog with you all about possibly celebrating Christmas a little differently this year. In recent years, Grandma and Grandpa have said they don't really need anything and would rather that we give a charitable contribution on their behalf. In our little family we also realize that we don't really need anything more. We just enjoy celebrating the holiday together with you all. In our little family we are making an effort to reduce our waste and consumption, reduce our part in exploitive labour practices, and reduce our carbon footprint to be better stewards of the Earth and it's resources. We wondered if the greater family would like to discuss ways we could all do this in our Christmas celebration.

How would you describe the spirit of Christmas? How would you like to practice that? What brings you the most joy in the Christmas season?

Would you like to try something different with our own family gathering? Would you like to do something for those in need locally, or globally? Or we could do small gifts within the family, and some outward focused giving.

Here are some ideas if we do want to give gifts to each other:

*White elephant gift exchange
*Draw names
*Draw names with a specific need for that person
*Give something we already have in our home
*Make something ourselves
*Give our time/expertise
*Give something that will help reduce each others use of limited resources
*We could all do something fun together ( like the zoo )

Or we could forgo the gift exchange and instead consider how to celebrate this Christmas by doing something for those in greater need than ourselves.

*We could pool together and give to an organization
*Each family could donate in their own way to the organization of their choice
*We could all do something together to raise our own awareness ( like the REAL. LIFE. exhibit )


Some websites to inspire ideas:

http://www.storyofstuff.com/ calls us together to create a more sustainable and just world.

http://www.adventconspiracy.org/ Americans spent $450 billion on Christmas last year. $10 will give a child clean water for life.
http://www.oregonlive.com/special/sharing/ helping families with special needs in Oregon
http://www.charitywater.org/ bringing clean and safe drinking water to people in developing nations.
http://www.heifer.org/ Heifer projects around the world help families achieve self-reliance through the gift of livestock and training.
http://www.kiva.org micro-lending website, empowering individuals to lend directly to unique entrepreneurs around the globe
https://www.ikat.org/ promote and support community-based education, especially for girls, in remote regions of Pakistan and Afghanistan.


We could consider how to celebrate this Christmas by thinking beyond our own little family. Can we contribute to peace on Earth and good will toward man by caring for the oppressed, the poor, the needy, the orphans and widows?


Please respond and let us know your thoughts and ideas, even if you prefer to keep things just as they are.

:)

~Xea

4 and 1/2

Yesterday my 4 1/2 year old girl told me these words to encourage me.

"Everyone makes mistakes, even children."

Honesty

Today I'm thinking about the way we tend to lie to each other. Not in an intentionally deceptive way, but in sincere friendships and committed marriages. We stretch the truth, minimize the truth, withhold the truth, bend the truth, and outright lie far more often than we probably realize.

Sometimes we minimize the truth to persuade a person to do what we want. I might minimize the time or effort it takes to do something to get someone to agree to do it. I'm afraid that they won't respond how I like if I tell the whole truth. I should be forthright, let them decide whether they want to make the effort based on the true cost, even they don't chose what I would like. If I take an honest look at my own motives, I might find that I am trying to get them to do something for my own sake and not for theirs. I should ask as a favour to me instead of trying to bend them into it. What good is it for them to do something for me by feeling pressured or obligated? Mainly I'm afraid that I won't get what I want.

If I am bending the truth trying to persuade someone to make a decision for what I perceive to be their own good. I'm trying to trick them into something I think they need. If they are not willing to pay the true cost for this thing that may truly be good for them, it is not yet going to benefit them as much as it would when their heart is ready for it, when they want it for themselves. But I'm afraid that they won't get the good that they are needing if I don't make it happen. I should express my sincere concern, inviting them to make that choice, instead of trying to control their choice. Can I be patient enough for their process?

Or we might make excuses rather than tell our true feelings. For example I might exaggerate the limits on my time, saying I don't have the time to do what I'm being asked. The truth may be that I feel confused when I try to do too many things in a short period of time, or I'm uncomfortable about the request itself. Instead of making excuses, I should be honest about the true reason's I don't want to do something. But I'm afraid that if I am honest, my reasons might not seem important enough, or that I might hurt the person's feelings. Why can't I just say that?

Sometimes we are either afraid of what people might think of us or we are afraid to be honest about what we think of them. We are afraid of fault-finding about our actions or our opinions. For example, say friends disagree in parenting philosophies. We might purposely avoid the topic, pretend to agree, or minimize our strong opinions on the subject. Why cant we just be sincere about our differences, while at the same time try to respect each others views? Because it doesn't feel safe to say the truth. If I don't communicate it just right, they might judge me to be a bad parent in contrast to their philosophy, or a hypocrite to my own values, or they might not want to hang out with my family anymore because they don't want my children or my parenting to influence their family. What if they don't respond to my efforts at sincere communication. What if I talk too much and don't listen enough to make them feel safe to share their views? What if they are not honest in response? Those are real possibilities. Honesty is a risk. If I want to be sure they understand my views and that I can respect their views then it's going to take a lot of communication, sincerity, listening and understanding. I also have to be confident enough to accept that even if I try my best to communicate with sensitivity and understanding, they still might judge me or withdraw from me, or even lie to me.


Somehow we think we are sparing the relationship by keeping these things hidden. Do we really make good relationships this way? Are we really protecting something worthwhile this way? Are we missing something by hiding ourselves?

I want to learn how to try communicate honestly. Even though it is vulnerable. Even though it may hurt. Even though I will often be misunderstood and I will often communicate badly. Feedback helps us grow closer. Feedback about ourselves helps us grow individually. We need honest friends to see ourselves more clearly. We need to be honest friends to help others grow as well.

Relationships are not easy. Friendships take time to grow strong. Every moment we are together we are expressing something, receiving feedback, responding, giving feedback. We are giving the message of mutual trust, or the message of judgement, the message of invitation, or the message of withdrawal. The openness, or trust in these interactions is built upon the previous interactions with the same people. When we are not honest with people who we truly want to be close to, it is noise, distorting our communication. It sends the wrong message. If we want to make strong relationships, we have to examine the things we are not being completely honest about. Then we have to ask ourselves why?

What are we believing that is motivating us to hide part of the truth? Can we have the confidence to be honest about our feelings or limitations? Can we have the strength to stand up for our convictions in conflict? Can we have the humility to admit when we are being selfish? Can we have the willingness to accept differences and a sincere desire for mutual understanding? Can we find the grace to show a friend their blind spot? What would a relationship like this require? What would be the cost? What would be the benefit?






(note: There are some relationships where communication is often abusive, those relationships need professional help to learn where trust and vulnerability are and are not appropriate)

One Year Later

9 14 09



I have been attending Evergreen for one year now. I began attending because there is a gathering within walking distance of our home, I like the core values and commitments of Evergreen, ( http://www.evergreenlife.org/content/view/191/50/ ) and the format is not too traditional. The format is generally: singing, teaching, discussing, singing, sometimes communion, and prayer, often in that order. We sit in a semi circle with a focal point on the musicians leading worship, the teacher and the projection screen for lyrics and scriptures. The teaching is done by certain elders and pastors. We meet in a pub where we rearrange the tables and chairs each Sunday morning and arrange them back when we are done. We bring in the sound system and projector. There is a room for the children to meet in, though they are welcome in the larger gathering if their parents prefer to have them. There has been some good discussion on the forum about what to do with children who don't want who be in the children's room without their parents but can't hold still in the larger gathering. There are tables at the back where anyone can do art during the gathering. The teachers in the children's room are volunteers. There are no programs set up for "the laity", everyone is encouraged to start something or present ideas if they would like to. Everyone is encouraged to find ways to bring creativity to the body.

The first few times I came with my two small children, just about no one said hello to me. I had invited my friends Renee and Jeremy who were new to Portland to meet me at Evergreen. They did start coming, and were my only friends there for awhile. At first my 9-month-old slept through the service in my baby carrier and my three-year-old either went to the children's room or sat with me, trying to be quiet. When the baby grew out of napping during the service, I began sitting in with the children in the children's room, giving up the service for a season. I did this for several reasons, 1) To get my children acclimated to the children's class. 2) To become familiar myself with the class and the volunteers. 3) I was not getting much out of the service because my hearing is slightly impaired. I read lips to augment my hearing, so when I can't see the faces of those participating in the discussion, I sometimes miss what is said and can't participate. 4) The format of the service is not very conducive to meeting and getting to know people, so to make friends, I have to hang out with these people outside of the format of a service, like in homegroups, other gatherings, or find enough common ground to hang out individually. 5) I joined the children's class to make friends.

So, hanging out in the children's room gave me the opportunity to meet and get to know several of the moms and children and volunteers. I also joined a homegroup. My husband and I don't own a car. We try to have a lifestyle that does not depend on our owning a car. Making friends who live close enough to share lives is important to us. As I met more and more Evergreeners, I found that most of them do not live within walking distance of my home or even the gathering they attend. I also found that a large percent of EGers are recent transplants to Portland. I have invited various EGers to my home to hang out individually or in small groups. I have visited a few of the same friends in their homes. I have been given rides with people to join some things I couldn't get to on my own. I was very disappointed that the homegroup I was going to disbanded shortly after I joined. The other homegroups were a bit out of the way for me, with my two children and no car, and I heard that a few of them also disbanded for the summer. That left me with nothing to be a part of outside of Sunday morning's format. I have used Evergreen's internet forum as well, and though I enjoy the discussions there, it is not the place to maintain personal contact. When a summertime park group started up, I made the effort to be part of it. It was good, but again, none of the people live near enough to me to share lives throughout the week. Making solid friendships at Evergreen will take time.

Our friends Renee and Jeremy gave us two bikes and a bike trailer for the kids. This has increased the distance we can travel to hang out with friends. I have visited some EGers homes that are outside of my walking range.

I began cycling to a homechurch in S.E. where I have known most of the people for 12 or more years. I have been part of home churches in Portland since 1997. We used to get rides with friends or go by bus, but since we have had children we have had fewer options for riding with friends or bussing. It takes about 45 minutes to bike to this home church, but that is the same time it takes to bus there, and there is no waiting at the stop in the dark or transferring busses. This has been nice in the summer daylight hours. It has been nice to reconnect with friends who I have known for years. It is easy for me to participate because I can see the faces of each person in the room, so I can see and hear what they are saying. The format is generally, eating dinner together, singing, praying, discussing, sometimes teaching, singing, praying for each other, sometimes taking communion. The order of events is fluid. We sit on the couches and a few extra folding chairs in the living room. The responsibility for making meals is rotated among the families. We clean up quickly after dinner. Teaching is done by anyone who feels inspired and prepared. Sometimes discussion is simply talking about whatever comes up. Music is lead by anyone who feels inspired to begin a song. Almost everyone plays an instrument, at least percussion, including the children. The children are in the gathering for at least part of the time every week. Most are quietly occupying themselves, sitting on furniture or the floor. Some look at books, some draw in notebooks, sometimes the toddlers are distracting. Certain weeks out of the month someone takes either the older kids or the younger kids to another room or outside. They may play or do an activity. There are a few toddlers who are in the process of learning how to be a part of this gathering without being a distraction. The group is discussing what to do for these little ones. This particular group has been meeting for 10 years, and some of the members have been part of house churches before that.

I want to share lives with others. Believers and non believers. I want to hang out and share time and service and supplies and garden crops. But friendships take time to develop. Community takes commitment. It takes perseverance to be intentional with people who are not on the same page. And even those who are. It takes security in yourself and forgiveness. We have to learn when to pursue and when to back off. We have to be able to give without expecting anything back, also to receive without feeling indebted. We have to realize that we are both needed and needy. We have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and expect to be offended. We have to love and forgive unconditionally. We have to take responsibility for our own offenses, apologize and be reconciled. We have to learn to understand and accept personality differences, seeing those differences as complimentary rather than antagonistic. We can't be reactionary, we can't assume the worst about others character or intentions. We have to learn to listen and to communicate more effectively. The process of solidifying friendships requires facing conflict. We have to be willing to take the risk of investment in people. Some will respond, rewarding the investment with great friendship, some will be a long process, some will seem to be a loss, a learning experience at the least.

Proximity affects how well we can live out community or even friendship. When we have to use the phone or internet or vehicle to talk to our friends, we will either disrupt much of our life to be in contact, or much of our life will be out of contact.

Our dilemma now is, where to invest. Investing in either of these fellowships requires us to extend ourselves into other neighborhoods, or move. There could be another option, of having a homegroup or a home church in our own home. There are obstacles fore each option, which ones should we work through?

HOME

Tekoah watched her FIRST full length movie today. It was a documentary called "Home".

It is about how all the Earth's inhabitants are interlinked, humankind is upsetting the balance, and the possibility to change before it's too late.

Tekoah liked it.

You can watch it here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqxENMKaeCU

Religious and Spiritual

7/3/09

These questions were posed on the Evergreen Forum:
"What's your sense? We live in one of the most unchurched regions of the nation-
does that also mean one of the least spiritual?
For those that describe themselves as "spiritual but not religious"- what do you think is behind that, both positive and negative? What leads someone to that self-description?
How does spirituality benefit us? How might it hinder us?
And how should the good news about Jesus shape our thinking on spirituality?"

http://www.evergreenlife.org/web/boards/index.php?topic=816.msg6879#msg6879



I think that many who say they are spiritual but not religious are saying this as a reaction to the perception of religious people and the harsh things that religious people have done.

Religion is often applied in a static, rigid, one-size-fits-all way. We pursue it because it seems to promise that when you obey the rules the results are guaranteed. But we can't always obey. All of us will fail. We should know that our redemption is not in unfailing obedience but in Jesus' sacrifice for us, yet we are still trying to follow the rules to gain God's approval.

Spirituality seems to be the exploration of the self in relation to various paths to "enlightenment". The journey is necessary to the discovery of who you are as well as who who are not. The danger is of never internalizing the values you encounter, seeing yourself in the mirror then forgetting what you look like.

I think most people are both spiritual and religious, but their life reflects one more strongly at any point in their life's timeline. We try to apply a formula from one source or another. A book, a seminar, an Eastern religion, a Western religion, a step-by-step program, a fad diet, etcetera. We go through the process of applying our new philosophy with a heavy hand, judging others by it and making it more important than everything else, eventually slowing down, then finally finding balance. Hopefully we have thrown out the legalism and internalized the best points to apply them flexibly and humbly to our own lives lives without alienating others.

There are very few people who are truly satisfied to find that THERE IS NO FORMULA.




Enlightenment may be like the self-actualization described in this passage from a book called "Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self-Actualization".

"Autonomous (self actualized) people have internalized the love, support, and acceptance of others so that they can apply values and principles flexibly in order to act in ways that are appropriate to the current situation. They are controlled neither by a small number of values...rigidly adhered to, no matter what the situation..., nor by others' expectation and pressure to conform."

In my case these are the values and principles I learn from Jesus, but learning these values does not come from just following the rules and participating in christian culture. I have done that and it left me begging God "What does your love really look like?". Then, when I didn't follow the rules and did my own thing, I discovered that I was not being the person that I wanted to be. I discovered who I was NOT. It was God's faithfulness and mercy to me in spite of my failures that showed me who I am, and made it possible to live out Jesus' teachings from within, rather than from externally imposed rules. Learning that you are valued by God, that His love is faithful, eternal and sacrificial, and being motivated by that love to love others even more than ourselves takes a lifetime of trial and error. Even the disciples were not immediately enlightened about how to apply Jesus' teachings to their lives. It was a process for them as it still is for us. Can we allow for this process in ourselves and others? How can we guide each other toward internalizing truth, while also accepting people where they are in their own journey?

So what did Jesus do to show us that he is an autonomous self actualized person? He didn't do things out of compliance to culture or religion, or out of rebellion, but he did what was right and true. He hung out with needy people, telling stories to illustrate truths. He sacrificed himself to help us know what love is and that we are loved. He talked with His Father, the source of truth, constantly. Can we learn to seek and hear God's voice like Jesus did?

Communion with Children

Written April 24 2009

How should children participate in Communion? In many churches the children are kept from "taking communion" - that is eating the bread or little cracker and drinking the wine or grape juice - until they have professed to have faith in Jesus. I'm not sure that they should be held back from participating.

Luke 22:13-2?
"They left and found things just as Jesus had told them. So they prepared the Passover. When the hour came, Jesus and his apostles reclined at the table. And he said to them, "I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God."
After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, "Take this and divide it among you. For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes."
And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me."
In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you. But the hand of him who is going to betray me is with mine on the table. The Son of Man will go as it has been decreed, but woe to that man who betrays him." They began to question among themselves which of them it might be who would do this."

When Jesus said the bread and the cup were to remind us of him he was eating the Passover meal with the disciples. He seems to be reminding them that Passover is a symbol of what He is about to do. He is making the connection between the familiar symbolic meal to himself as the Passover Lamb.

Passover is a meal with symbolic meaning, celebrated with the whole family to teach and to remember the event of God's salvation. God saved those who were obedient by putting lambs blood on their doors from the plague of death. Jesus says to remember Him when you eat the symbolic meal of Passover as He is the Passover Lamb. Over time we have narrowed down the whole symbolic meal to just symbolic bread and wine. So I think that the purpose of communion or any other symbolic thing we do, is to remind ourselves and to teach children about what God has done for us. I see it as a teaching illustration to bring the children to understanding, rather than a rite of passage after they have understood.

Any thoughts?