I have been doing a lot of reading about Addiction and change in the last couple years. The question that drives me is "How can we help bring change in an addict?".
Some of the things I have learned through my studies so far:
The most important factors in helping others to change have to do with changing yourself.
Stop trying to control or make up for the addicts behaviors and their consequences (co-dependence).
Protect yourself as appropriate.
Examine yourself to find your own addictive behaviors.
Strive for real change within yourself.
Practice being a trustworthy person.
Don't give up on relationships.
I went to a great seminar a few weeks ago about Addiction and Change. This seminar provided some new insight which gives me great hope in answering my question "How can we help bring change in an addict?".
Here are some of my notes from the seminar: The Genesis Process
Addiction is habitual destructive coping behavior. We continue in self-destructive behavior in spite of the consequences.
"If it doesn't make sense, it's the limbic system."
The limbic system controls three areas of survival: food, sex, and safety.
It's three responses are: fight (rage), flight (escape), and freeze/numb (emotionally absent).
It imprints memories from experiences with: pain and fear, pleasure and reward.
It bonds to things that make us feel good. It flees from things that make us feel bad. These are chemical responses in the brain.
All self-destructive coping behaviors (addictions) are anesthetics to push unwanted thoughts, feelings and memories temporarily out of your conscious awareness.
All addiction is self-gratification. It is the illogical pursuit of something to make us feel better.
Men struggle with: work, sex and anger
Women struggle with: relationships, anxiety and food
Men need: respect
Women need: relationships
A man's greatest fear is: Not Being Good Enough
A woman's greatest fear is: Being Alone, Not Being Loved
We often find ourselves in a "double-bind" because the addiction/coping mechanism has consequences, but we are AFRAID of what will happen if we don't turn to the addiction or coping mechanism.
We are social beings. Relationships are difficult and cause pain. We don't want to have pain so we turn to substitutes for relationships. Substitutes hurt our relationships. We need relationships. This is a double bind.
Relationships cause pain but substitutes cause pain and keep us from relationships.
The Double Bind Worksheet
We ask ourselves:
What is the situation (the double bind)?
What would happen if I change? (Usually we are afraid)
What would happen if I don't change? (Usually there are undesirable consequences)
Which is harder for me to do? (It is usually harder to change) That is probably the right thing to do.
What practical step can I do this week toward change? Who will support me and hold me accountable.
Self reflection
How do you usually react? Fight, flight, or freeze/numb?
Which of the struggles are greatest for you?
How do you rate the strength of your fear of the above mentioned greatest fears?
Once we identify the fear that keeps us from change, take steps to move toward the fear.
Change happens best in relationship.
A sign that a man is getting healthy is that he is becoming other's centered.
A sign that a woman is getting healthy is that she is taking care of herself.
Recovery is learning to trust.
The speaker, Michael Dye, said you can't change the bonds the limbic system has created with your memories, but you can retrain your brain with new experiences. Meaning that you overcome the fears associated with past experiences by creating new experiences with positive associations. Safety in relationships does this, and he encourages us to be safe people to bring healing to others.
He talked about the question "Is addiction a sin or a disease?" He said that many coping mechanisms are sin. We turn to them as a substitute for dealing with things we fear. Going to the coping mechanism again and again creates a pattern, a bond, which leads to the disease of addiction. You can't just call it sin and say "stop it". This alienates the addict further. The addict has to learn from new experiences with safe people.
He also talked about Eros, Phileo and Agape in relation to the chemicals in the brain that sustain them and when they "wear off".
http://www.genesisprocess.org/
http://www.youtube.com/user/GenesisProcess
Why do I think this helps to answer my question?
Knowing how the limbic system works is key to understanding how to break an addiction. The bonds of the limbic system are not logical, so a simple logical approach will not help. To bring change each person must examine their own fears to find what drives them to cope in destructive ways. Discovering the fears and pain that have produced the coping mechanisms is best done within relationships. It does not help to condemn ourselves or others for things that seem to be beyond a persons control to change in themselves. The need for change is relationship based, so change cannot happen without relationships. When a person realizes they are in a double bind, they have a choice between overcoming fear within the relationship or the substitute with it's consequences to relationships. We must provide the reward for overcoming that fear by being safe, trustworthy, non-judgemental people. And to do that, we must examine ourselves first and find our own safe people to work through the process with us. Change in others starts with change in ourselves.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Ongoing Metamorphosis
This has been an important year. One of the worst and best in my life so far. This day marks a new year for me because last year at this time I made a conscious change in my heart.
It has been hard to explain, even to myself, but I found that my life as it was had reached a crisis point. I could not go on in the same way, yet there was no quick fix that I could apply and move on. I realized that I had to enter a new season, allowing myself to be transformed from the inside out, and it was not going to be easy.
I shaved my head last year as a symbol of shedding my old self and the self-centered ways I had been grasping at life. It was also a symbol of putting on sackcloth and ashes, in grief over the things I had lost by my self-centered grasping. It was a symbol of setting myself apart for a time of seeking.
A friend once said she saw me being changed, like layers being peeled away, one at a time. Shaving my head throughout the year was like shedding those layers.
SO, what has my year of shedding and grieving arrived at? Whatever I have learned is not yet complete, but I have come through a new season, a definite departure from the last one. These are some things I have begun to learn.
- Learning a new thing, believing a new thing, or changing an old thing requires a process. In human behavior, nothing happens overnight. Some processes follow a somewhat predictable progression through stages, but one can't define for certain, at any given time, where a person is in the process, when it began, or when it ends. Even so, it is immensely helpful to be aware of the process one is in, and the stages of that process. Having an idea of the potential future of the process gives reason and purpose for it.
- I value honesty, trustworthiness, commitment and free will in relation to others. When I become aware that I have a choice where I might violate one of those, I hope to submit my choices to those values, as painful as it may be.
- Whatever I learn about relating to others theoretically, is meaningless until I practice it, especially with my family.
- There is always a cost to anything of value. And everything else as well.
- Individual perception in relation to others is severely limited. We must dialog to increase our understanding.
- Ask questions. Listen well. Freely invite.
- My grief has progressed through the stages, Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance. I can't say that it is forever resolved, but grief usually isn't. It is good to have at least come this far. I think I can thank grief for propelling me to learn everything that I have learned this year.
- I am greatly blessed to have the supportive friends who have walked alongside me, and who show their mutual commitment to the journey ahead.
I knew that I would shave my head for the year, and I have never decided what would come after that. The year is up now and I want to know what comes next. I don't know if anything has come to complete closure. I have felt like a whole new horizon is now open to me. I am still seeking more.
I have increased my capacity for:
peace in my heart
acceptance of uncertainty
differences of opinion
differences of value
patience
hope
I want more of those things. I also want to learn these skills:
- Develop a discipline of listening, of being still, of rest.
- Freedom to have fun.
- Submission of my attachments.
- Just be.
So, here's to the year ahead. It could be ten times more painful and one hundred times more profitable. Or not. To whatever comes.
It has been hard to explain, even to myself, but I found that my life as it was had reached a crisis point. I could not go on in the same way, yet there was no quick fix that I could apply and move on. I realized that I had to enter a new season, allowing myself to be transformed from the inside out, and it was not going to be easy.
I shaved my head last year as a symbol of shedding my old self and the self-centered ways I had been grasping at life. It was also a symbol of putting on sackcloth and ashes, in grief over the things I had lost by my self-centered grasping. It was a symbol of setting myself apart for a time of seeking.
A friend once said she saw me being changed, like layers being peeled away, one at a time. Shaving my head throughout the year was like shedding those layers.
SO, what has my year of shedding and grieving arrived at? Whatever I have learned is not yet complete, but I have come through a new season, a definite departure from the last one. These are some things I have begun to learn.
- Learning a new thing, believing a new thing, or changing an old thing requires a process. In human behavior, nothing happens overnight. Some processes follow a somewhat predictable progression through stages, but one can't define for certain, at any given time, where a person is in the process, when it began, or when it ends. Even so, it is immensely helpful to be aware of the process one is in, and the stages of that process. Having an idea of the potential future of the process gives reason and purpose for it.
- I value honesty, trustworthiness, commitment and free will in relation to others. When I become aware that I have a choice where I might violate one of those, I hope to submit my choices to those values, as painful as it may be.
- Whatever I learn about relating to others theoretically, is meaningless until I practice it, especially with my family.
- There is always a cost to anything of value. And everything else as well.
- Individual perception in relation to others is severely limited. We must dialog to increase our understanding.
- Ask questions. Listen well. Freely invite.
- My grief has progressed through the stages, Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance. I can't say that it is forever resolved, but grief usually isn't. It is good to have at least come this far. I think I can thank grief for propelling me to learn everything that I have learned this year.
- I am greatly blessed to have the supportive friends who have walked alongside me, and who show their mutual commitment to the journey ahead.
I knew that I would shave my head for the year, and I have never decided what would come after that. The year is up now and I want to know what comes next. I don't know if anything has come to complete closure. I have felt like a whole new horizon is now open to me. I am still seeking more.
I have increased my capacity for:
peace in my heart
acceptance of uncertainty
differences of opinion
differences of value
patience
hope
I want more of those things. I also want to learn these skills:
- Develop a discipline of listening, of being still, of rest.
- Freedom to have fun.
- Submission of my attachments.
- Just be.
So, here's to the year ahead. It could be ten times more painful and one hundred times more profitable. Or not. To whatever comes.
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Next Season: Purging
As last Winter ended and Spring began, we were still looking for an apartment. Last time we moved I knew we had too much stuff. I wanted to make our next move with far less stuff. Now that we were not bringing in so much new stuff by shopping, we were able to take a look at what we already had and prepare to get rid of some things.
Letting go can be agonizing, but as I began to let go, it became easier to let go of even more. I made a goal to get rid of half our stuff. I don't think we are there yet, but we did let go of quite a bit during that season. I struggled with how to make these decisions. I wanted some clear criteria. I began asking myself these questions.
Should I keep this?
Is it serving me well?
Does it serve guests in our home?
Am I depending on it instead of depending on God?
Am I storing up security?
Am I using it to identify myself or make a statement?
Does it hinder me from community (making me independent, distracting from true relationships)?
Does it cost more (space, money, energy, time, attention, peace of mind) to maintain than it is worth (financial, relational, distraction)?
Does it cause strife in our lives?
Does it keep me from living in the present?
Am I keeping it to serve something else that I should be letting go of?
Should I be sharing it or borrowing it instead of owning it?
As I made cuts in my book collection I found that some of them were on my shelf only to make a statement about my identity. Out they went. Others were about subjects that I wanted to share with others. If I want to present new ideas to people, it is best done in conversation, in the context of loving relationship. If I can't do that, loaning them a book is worthless anyway. Out they went.
I sorted a lot of things out to consign, donate, or give to various places. Without a car it took some effort but I delivered most of these things. Then I sorted out more. Rather than run around to drop them off I brought a lot of things to my friend's yard sale. She kept track of my profit and after the sale she put the leftover goods out for free. I picked up a few of my things but some of my stuff had gone for free that I might have been able to sell elsewhere. At first it bothered me that I hadn't gotten a few more dollars out of my castoffs. I thought of it with regret occasionally, but after a couple months I was just really grateful that those things were gone. That I was no longer a slave to them. I was free.
Yet I wanted to be free of so much more of my stuff. Free from having to steward so much that gives so little value in return.
Letting go can be agonizing, but as I began to let go, it became easier to let go of even more. I made a goal to get rid of half our stuff. I don't think we are there yet, but we did let go of quite a bit during that season. I struggled with how to make these decisions. I wanted some clear criteria. I began asking myself these questions.
Should I keep this?
Is it serving me well?
Does it serve guests in our home?
Am I depending on it instead of depending on God?
Am I storing up security?
Am I using it to identify myself or make a statement?
Does it hinder me from community (making me independent, distracting from true relationships)?
Does it cost more (space, money, energy, time, attention, peace of mind) to maintain than it is worth (financial, relational, distraction)?
Does it cause strife in our lives?
Does it keep me from living in the present?
Am I keeping it to serve something else that I should be letting go of?
Should I be sharing it or borrowing it instead of owning it?
As I made cuts in my book collection I found that some of them were on my shelf only to make a statement about my identity. Out they went. Others were about subjects that I wanted to share with others. If I want to present new ideas to people, it is best done in conversation, in the context of loving relationship. If I can't do that, loaning them a book is worthless anyway. Out they went.
I sorted a lot of things out to consign, donate, or give to various places. Without a car it took some effort but I delivered most of these things. Then I sorted out more. Rather than run around to drop them off I brought a lot of things to my friend's yard sale. She kept track of my profit and after the sale she put the leftover goods out for free. I picked up a few of my things but some of my stuff had gone for free that I might have been able to sell elsewhere. At first it bothered me that I hadn't gotten a few more dollars out of my castoffs. I thought of it with regret occasionally, but after a couple months I was just really grateful that those things were gone. That I was no longer a slave to them. I was free.
Yet I wanted to be free of so much more of my stuff. Free from having to steward so much that gives so little value in return.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Looking at Consumption: part 2 "A wasting disease"
Looking at Consumption: part 2 A wasting disease
consumption |kənˈsəm(p) sh ən|
noun
1 the using up of a resource
• the eating, drinking, or ingesting of something
• an amount of something that is used up or ingested
• the purchase and use of goods and services by the public
• the reception of information or entertainment, esp. by a mass audience
2 dated a wasting disease, esp. pulmonary tuberculosis.
I often shop at resale and thrift stores, as well as trade, consign and donate there. But I also shopped at many chain stores and local stores for whatever I thought I needed. As our perspective on consumption changed, our shopping habits plummeted. When I thought I needed something, I had to ask myself some important questions.
Is it fairly traded?
Is it produced by exploiting resources or people?
Is it shipped long distance, using fossil fuels?
Last Winter, when I wanted to buy christmas lights that were not made in China, I found none, so I settled for buying lights second hand. At least I was not supporting the unfair labour and wasted fossil fuel directly. With buying criteria like fairly traded, organic, sweat-free, and local, there were so many products that I could not buy, so I just stopped going to the stores that would not carry these products. I had already stopped shopping at Dollar Tree and Wal-Mart. Now I stopped shopping Target, Fred Meyer, Home Depot, Old Navy, etc. to purchase my whims. I started looking for things made and sold by local companies, or through resale shops, thrift stores, and craigslist.
With such limitations on what I buy, I have seriously curtailed my drive for shopping, consuming and owning. I still make lists of things that I would like to buy, but after awhile, I find that I am living just fine without most of those things on my list. Occasionally I would go to a thrift store looking for a particular thing and find myself tempted to buy several things I hadn't thought I needed until I saw them there. I would feel more free to buy them because my purchase is not directly linked to the source. (I have not yet done the research to know if there is any reason I should not support Goodwill or Value Village stores). I began to ask myself a new set of questions.
Do I actually have the money?
Is it going to sit in my possession until I die?
Is it an attempt to store up/fortify/secure for the future?
Is it for comparison to or acceptance from others?
Is it a mass produced substitute for creativity?
Am I going to use it this month/this year?
How is it going to enhance my life?
Am I consuming to secure against interdependence
Am I consuming the goods and services associated with a certain identity?
These are some notes I wrote while reading "Not Buying It"
"You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough" -Blake
"Luxury Fever"
"The upward creep of desire"
"Reject consumer as my sole role and reclaim my other public identity: Citizen." - from the book "Not Buying It"
The sleep of the laborer is sweet
Those who go after ill-gotten gain - do not go with them
Sabbath - rest from working for provision and security. Rest in God's provision and security.
I wanted to know how others made their consumption choices, so I sent a survey to friends. I posted it on this blog as well. Soon I will compile the responses, but I still want to hear from a few people.
consumption |kənˈsəm(p) sh ən|
noun
1 the using up of a resource
• the eating, drinking, or ingesting of something
• an amount of something that is used up or ingested
• the purchase and use of goods and services by the public
• the reception of information or entertainment, esp. by a mass audience
2 dated a wasting disease, esp. pulmonary tuberculosis.
I often shop at resale and thrift stores, as well as trade, consign and donate there. But I also shopped at many chain stores and local stores for whatever I thought I needed. As our perspective on consumption changed, our shopping habits plummeted. When I thought I needed something, I had to ask myself some important questions.
Is it fairly traded?
Is it produced by exploiting resources or people?
Is it shipped long distance, using fossil fuels?
Last Winter, when I wanted to buy christmas lights that were not made in China, I found none, so I settled for buying lights second hand. At least I was not supporting the unfair labour and wasted fossil fuel directly. With buying criteria like fairly traded, organic, sweat-free, and local, there were so many products that I could not buy, so I just stopped going to the stores that would not carry these products. I had already stopped shopping at Dollar Tree and Wal-Mart. Now I stopped shopping Target, Fred Meyer, Home Depot, Old Navy, etc. to purchase my whims. I started looking for things made and sold by local companies, or through resale shops, thrift stores, and craigslist.
With such limitations on what I buy, I have seriously curtailed my drive for shopping, consuming and owning. I still make lists of things that I would like to buy, but after awhile, I find that I am living just fine without most of those things on my list. Occasionally I would go to a thrift store looking for a particular thing and find myself tempted to buy several things I hadn't thought I needed until I saw them there. I would feel more free to buy them because my purchase is not directly linked to the source. (I have not yet done the research to know if there is any reason I should not support Goodwill or Value Village stores). I began to ask myself a new set of questions.
Do I actually have the money?
Is it going to sit in my possession until I die?
Is it an attempt to store up/fortify/secure for the future?
Is it for comparison to or acceptance from others?
Is it a mass produced substitute for creativity?
Am I going to use it this month/this year?
How is it going to enhance my life?
Am I consuming to secure against interdependence
Am I consuming the goods and services associated with a certain identity?
These are some notes I wrote while reading "Not Buying It"
"You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough" -Blake
"Luxury Fever"
"The upward creep of desire"
"Reject consumer as my sole role and reclaim my other public identity: Citizen." - from the book "Not Buying It"
The sleep of the laborer is sweet
Those who go after ill-gotten gain - do not go with them
Sabbath - rest from working for provision and security. Rest in God's provision and security.
I wanted to know how others made their consumption choices, so I sent a survey to friends. I posted it on this blog as well. Soon I will compile the responses, but I still want to hear from a few people.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Last year Part 2: looking at consumption
Last November and December we were taking the bus to the house church because it was too dark in the evening to go by bike. We were searching for an apartment in the neighbourhood.
We were also continuing to pare down on our consumption. There are some great books and documentaries that have influenced the change in our consumption habits.
Dateline on Wal-Mart - This showed a girl from a third world country who's job was to sew stripes on sweatpants sold at Wal-Mart. Dateline brought her to the States, to a Wal-Mart to show her those pants being sold in the store. The price was something like $12. They explained to her the price of those pants compared to the pittance she was paid. The next scene was her weeping in the parking lot.
"The High Cost of Low Prices" - This showed the power Wal-Mart has to push manufacturers to lower their prices. Lower prices means lower wages, either here in the States, or in sweatshops overseas.
"The Future of Food" - Genetic engineering, food monopolies supported by politics.
"What Would Jesus Buy", with the special feature on China - This showed the ridiculous frenzy surrounding Christmas, the consumer culture we live in and how it affects children. It is very sad that this is how we celebrate the birth of Christ, who teaches us: love your neighbour, don't store up treasures on earth, don't make the temple of God a marketplace, and you can't serve God and money. The part that had the biggest impact on me was an extra on the DVD. It was a Chinese girl telling her story. As a Christian in China, her church had been raided by police. She and a friend were taken into custody, stripped and had a shock baton placed in their mouths. Then they were imprisoned and forced to labour making earbud headphones and christmas lights. The quotas were so hight they often stayed up all night working. It kills me to know that we are buying cheap christmas lights made in slave like conditions by prisoners who are imprisoned just for being Christians.
"The Story of Stuff" - This is an excellent short film about the process of how our stuff is made and consumed and disposed of. It's made by exploitation and destruction, consumed in fads, and thrown away to poison the air, ground and water. http://www.storyofstuff.com/
Revelation Study - I have been part of a Bible study on the Book of Revelation. This has greatly impacted my consumption choices. Babylon is about commerce. She prospers on buying and selling of luxuries, and "the bodies and souls of men". Her adulteries are about profit and exploitation, about being "in bed with" powerful players in the market and politics. "Come out from her my people!" Do not participate in her adulteries. The mark of the beast is about commerce. It is about giving your allegiance to a political market system which threatens death to all who will not participate. That is giving over your freedom because all commodities have been bought and sold and wrested until you have to comply or you will not survive. I don't want to give my allegiance or my freedom to a system of exploitation and greed. I want to practice my freedom by not prostituting my funds to companies who produce fad garbage, plastic garbage, junk toys and gadgets, or who destroy the environment and waste resources for their products, and especially I do not want to prostitute my funds to companies who exploit workers, persecute (and sometimes kill) union organizers, and deceive the public to make disproportionate profits manufacturing products to be consumed flippantly in wealthy countries.
"Not Buying It" - One couples attempt to decrease their consumption during one year to necessities only. Very well studied. Many excellent points and angles. She writes about her temptation to keep up with consumer fads. She joins a voluntary simplicity group and comments on their "self-inflicted" haircuts. She sees haircuts as a necessary expense.
"Made in Los Angeles" - Workers in the garment industry in LA stand up for their rights to be paid fairly. They fight for years to finally win the back wages they were owed. Their shop made garments for Forever 21. The store said they are not responsible for the workers who sew their garments because they say contractor is responsible for the labour. But the manufacturers set their prices low and turn-around times short, so that the contractor has to pay the workers less and make them work faster and longer. I have a bag from Forever 21 which has "John 3:16" printed on the bottom of it.
"Slaves to Fashion" - Documents the garment industry worldwide, showing that exploitation and sweatshops are still strong. In some areas the workers are basically indentured servants because they can not pay their way home or get out of debt to the company who supplies their room and board through deducting from their wages. When a country starts to make laws to protect the workers, most companies use financial pressure to keep their place, or they move to another country where they can pay less and get away with more. Garment shops move to countries where the people are not empowered because that's how they keep the biggest profit.
"A Year Without Made in China" - One mom's attempt to get through the year without chinese products. While I understand the struggle of trying to avoid all things made in China, she never really clarified why she was doing it, and especially didn't give her five year old son a good reason for why she wouldn't buy him the toys he wanted. Since her resolve did not seem to be based in strong ethics, she seemed to be trying to maintain her consumer lifestyle, only without chinese goods. Consumption was always a temptation being dangled in front of the whole family, and she entered into the next year relieved to go back to consuming freely.
"No Impact Man" - One couples attempt to eliminate or offset their negative impact on the planet. Excellent film! They went in phases of changing their habits, like a phase with no electricity in their New York apartment. I love this film and what they were trying to do. They switched to cloth diapers, shopped at the farmer's market, learned organic gardening, bought local only, used the steps instead of the elevator, used human powered vehicles, washed laundry in the bathtub, etc. Someone set them up with solar power so they could maintain their laptop power for blogging. The last phase was finding ways to offset their inevitable impact on the environment. The best part to me was the man who taught them about gardening at the community gardens, who pointed out the irony that everything they were doing was great but the wife still worked for a marketing firm. HA!
"China Blue" - A story of typical garment workers in China. Most garment factories will not allow filmmakers into their facilities but this Boss thought the film was about him and his company's success. The workers come mostly from rural farms into the city to live in dorms at the factory. Their room and board is deducted from their wages. They are paid by the piece, not by the hour and high quotas keep them working late hours, up to 17 hour days. They go on little sleep and little time to wash their clothes and do their chores in their dorms. Prices and turn-around times are set by the clothing manufacturer, so the contractor does the work for what they demand rather than what it costs to produce, so the workers wage is not set by their time or labour. They are docked pay as discipline for various things and their checks are often held back. What really disturbed me about this film was the fact than the jeans they were making were made to look worn! Westerners buy new jeans for $35 and up every new season and every new fad. We are paying a company big profits so they can pay workers so little to make new jeans that look worn! What a waste of money, resources, and human spirit!
"Food Inc." - Monsanto continues to sue farmers for patent infringement when their genetically engineered plants cross pollinate with neighboring farms. They sue people who encourage saving your own seeds. Monsanto and Con-agra own most of the means of food production in the States. Support your local organic farmer.
A note on last Christmas: We decided to do a white elephant gift exchange last year. It was one of our best holidays ever. I felt that I talked more with my family than usual, we had fun, no one had to buy a gift, and we didn't fill a huge garbage bag full of gift wrap and plastic packaging. We each took something home that we could enjoy or that we could donate without any sentimental guilt. I was so blessed.
We were also continuing to pare down on our consumption. There are some great books and documentaries that have influenced the change in our consumption habits.
Dateline on Wal-Mart - This showed a girl from a third world country who's job was to sew stripes on sweatpants sold at Wal-Mart. Dateline brought her to the States, to a Wal-Mart to show her those pants being sold in the store. The price was something like $12. They explained to her the price of those pants compared to the pittance she was paid. The next scene was her weeping in the parking lot.
"The High Cost of Low Prices" - This showed the power Wal-Mart has to push manufacturers to lower their prices. Lower prices means lower wages, either here in the States, or in sweatshops overseas.
"The Future of Food" - Genetic engineering, food monopolies supported by politics.
"What Would Jesus Buy", with the special feature on China - This showed the ridiculous frenzy surrounding Christmas, the consumer culture we live in and how it affects children. It is very sad that this is how we celebrate the birth of Christ, who teaches us: love your neighbour, don't store up treasures on earth, don't make the temple of God a marketplace, and you can't serve God and money. The part that had the biggest impact on me was an extra on the DVD. It was a Chinese girl telling her story. As a Christian in China, her church had been raided by police. She and a friend were taken into custody, stripped and had a shock baton placed in their mouths. Then they were imprisoned and forced to labour making earbud headphones and christmas lights. The quotas were so hight they often stayed up all night working. It kills me to know that we are buying cheap christmas lights made in slave like conditions by prisoners who are imprisoned just for being Christians.
"The Story of Stuff" - This is an excellent short film about the process of how our stuff is made and consumed and disposed of. It's made by exploitation and destruction, consumed in fads, and thrown away to poison the air, ground and water. http://www.storyofstuff.com/
Revelation Study - I have been part of a Bible study on the Book of Revelation. This has greatly impacted my consumption choices. Babylon is about commerce. She prospers on buying and selling of luxuries, and "the bodies and souls of men". Her adulteries are about profit and exploitation, about being "in bed with" powerful players in the market and politics. "Come out from her my people!" Do not participate in her adulteries. The mark of the beast is about commerce. It is about giving your allegiance to a political market system which threatens death to all who will not participate. That is giving over your freedom because all commodities have been bought and sold and wrested until you have to comply or you will not survive. I don't want to give my allegiance or my freedom to a system of exploitation and greed. I want to practice my freedom by not prostituting my funds to companies who produce fad garbage, plastic garbage, junk toys and gadgets, or who destroy the environment and waste resources for their products, and especially I do not want to prostitute my funds to companies who exploit workers, persecute (and sometimes kill) union organizers, and deceive the public to make disproportionate profits manufacturing products to be consumed flippantly in wealthy countries.
"Not Buying It" - One couples attempt to decrease their consumption during one year to necessities only. Very well studied. Many excellent points and angles. She writes about her temptation to keep up with consumer fads. She joins a voluntary simplicity group and comments on their "self-inflicted" haircuts. She sees haircuts as a necessary expense.
"Made in Los Angeles" - Workers in the garment industry in LA stand up for their rights to be paid fairly. They fight for years to finally win the back wages they were owed. Their shop made garments for Forever 21. The store said they are not responsible for the workers who sew their garments because they say contractor is responsible for the labour. But the manufacturers set their prices low and turn-around times short, so that the contractor has to pay the workers less and make them work faster and longer. I have a bag from Forever 21 which has "John 3:16" printed on the bottom of it.
"Slaves to Fashion" - Documents the garment industry worldwide, showing that exploitation and sweatshops are still strong. In some areas the workers are basically indentured servants because they can not pay their way home or get out of debt to the company who supplies their room and board through deducting from their wages. When a country starts to make laws to protect the workers, most companies use financial pressure to keep their place, or they move to another country where they can pay less and get away with more. Garment shops move to countries where the people are not empowered because that's how they keep the biggest profit.
"A Year Without Made in China" - One mom's attempt to get through the year without chinese products. While I understand the struggle of trying to avoid all things made in China, she never really clarified why she was doing it, and especially didn't give her five year old son a good reason for why she wouldn't buy him the toys he wanted. Since her resolve did not seem to be based in strong ethics, she seemed to be trying to maintain her consumer lifestyle, only without chinese goods. Consumption was always a temptation being dangled in front of the whole family, and she entered into the next year relieved to go back to consuming freely.
"No Impact Man" - One couples attempt to eliminate or offset their negative impact on the planet. Excellent film! They went in phases of changing their habits, like a phase with no electricity in their New York apartment. I love this film and what they were trying to do. They switched to cloth diapers, shopped at the farmer's market, learned organic gardening, bought local only, used the steps instead of the elevator, used human powered vehicles, washed laundry in the bathtub, etc. Someone set them up with solar power so they could maintain their laptop power for blogging. The last phase was finding ways to offset their inevitable impact on the environment. The best part to me was the man who taught them about gardening at the community gardens, who pointed out the irony that everything they were doing was great but the wife still worked for a marketing firm. HA!
"China Blue" - A story of typical garment workers in China. Most garment factories will not allow filmmakers into their facilities but this Boss thought the film was about him and his company's success. The workers come mostly from rural farms into the city to live in dorms at the factory. Their room and board is deducted from their wages. They are paid by the piece, not by the hour and high quotas keep them working late hours, up to 17 hour days. They go on little sleep and little time to wash their clothes and do their chores in their dorms. Prices and turn-around times are set by the clothing manufacturer, so the contractor does the work for what they demand rather than what it costs to produce, so the workers wage is not set by their time or labour. They are docked pay as discipline for various things and their checks are often held back. What really disturbed me about this film was the fact than the jeans they were making were made to look worn! Westerners buy new jeans for $35 and up every new season and every new fad. We are paying a company big profits so they can pay workers so little to make new jeans that look worn! What a waste of money, resources, and human spirit!
"Food Inc." - Monsanto continues to sue farmers for patent infringement when their genetically engineered plants cross pollinate with neighboring farms. They sue people who encourage saving your own seeds. Monsanto and Con-agra own most of the means of food production in the States. Support your local organic farmer.
A note on last Christmas: We decided to do a white elephant gift exchange last year. It was one of our best holidays ever. I felt that I talked more with my family than usual, we had fun, no one had to buy a gift, and we didn't fill a huge garbage bag full of gift wrap and plastic packaging. We each took something home that we could enjoy or that we could donate without any sentimental guilt. I was so blessed.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
looking back on the last year Part 1
Looking back on the past year, we have gone through many seasons of change.
Part 1: Looking for Community
Last October I was asking what we should do about being part of a church community. I had been desperately seeking community, willing to endure the difficulties of building relationships, willing to invest myself fully and commit to the long haul. Because I didn't live near the friends I had known for a long time, I was making new friends, some neighbors and some through the nearest church, but who also did not live nearby. I was finding that in making new friends there is often such a discrepancy of what you hope for and what the other expects. I wanted more honesty, more long-term vision, more realism about relationships, endurance, openness, forbearance, more commitment and investment. I was not finding the willingness or reciprocation that I was looking for. Many people value but don't practice honesty, vulnerability and commitment to friendships. Though it gets a lot of lip service, the process of building friendship and community takes time. It is not learned in the short term. It is grown and proven over the long term. Still I was willing to put in the effort and make the investment, whatever the cost. After meeting many people I would still have to be selective about where to invest. I had to try to get to know people, and see who seemed to desire something similar to what I was desiring. A person can't wear themselves out pursuing committed friendships with people who are not equally committed.
While writing my blog where I compared the two churches I was attending at the time, I realized that I had known many of the people in the house church for 12 years or more. I started thinking about that. These were the people who had sparked many of my most significant transformations in life. These were the people who have trusted me many times to babysit their children for weekends away. These were the people who had been with me at my wedding, at my births, through my greatest losses, and when I needed advice. These were people who had been through significant trials together. Their friendships had survived many personal and relational fires. These were people who I respected for their honesty, integrity, and faithfulness. These are people I trust. These are people who would reciprocate the commitment and investment that I was desiring. So my choice became clear. I was ready to make that my home fellowship, and that would mean that if I really wanted to be invested in the lives of those people, we would have to move closer to them.
I mapped out the homes of friends in the neighbourhood where the church meets. Several families that I had gotten to know from the other church also live in the same neighborhood. So, if we moved I didn't have to walk away from those relationships by choosing one church gathering over the other. Unfortunately that neighborhood did not have some of the amenities we had grown accustomed to. We would be missing the Co-op where we buy groceries in bulk, resale shops where we trade for credit or sell for cash, and easy bus access to Tim's job. But we weighed these things against having our family planted among faithful friends and we prepared ourselves to move.
Part 1: Looking for Community
Last October I was asking what we should do about being part of a church community. I had been desperately seeking community, willing to endure the difficulties of building relationships, willing to invest myself fully and commit to the long haul. Because I didn't live near the friends I had known for a long time, I was making new friends, some neighbors and some through the nearest church, but who also did not live nearby. I was finding that in making new friends there is often such a discrepancy of what you hope for and what the other expects. I wanted more honesty, more long-term vision, more realism about relationships, endurance, openness, forbearance, more commitment and investment. I was not finding the willingness or reciprocation that I was looking for. Many people value but don't practice honesty, vulnerability and commitment to friendships. Though it gets a lot of lip service, the process of building friendship and community takes time. It is not learned in the short term. It is grown and proven over the long term. Still I was willing to put in the effort and make the investment, whatever the cost. After meeting many people I would still have to be selective about where to invest. I had to try to get to know people, and see who seemed to desire something similar to what I was desiring. A person can't wear themselves out pursuing committed friendships with people who are not equally committed.
While writing my blog where I compared the two churches I was attending at the time, I realized that I had known many of the people in the house church for 12 years or more. I started thinking about that. These were the people who had sparked many of my most significant transformations in life. These were the people who have trusted me many times to babysit their children for weekends away. These were the people who had been with me at my wedding, at my births, through my greatest losses, and when I needed advice. These were people who had been through significant trials together. Their friendships had survived many personal and relational fires. These were people who I respected for their honesty, integrity, and faithfulness. These are people I trust. These are people who would reciprocate the commitment and investment that I was desiring. So my choice became clear. I was ready to make that my home fellowship, and that would mean that if I really wanted to be invested in the lives of those people, we would have to move closer to them.
I mapped out the homes of friends in the neighbourhood where the church meets. Several families that I had gotten to know from the other church also live in the same neighborhood. So, if we moved I didn't have to walk away from those relationships by choosing one church gathering over the other. Unfortunately that neighborhood did not have some of the amenities we had grown accustomed to. We would be missing the Co-op where we buy groceries in bulk, resale shops where we trade for credit or sell for cash, and easy bus access to Tim's job. But we weighed these things against having our family planted among faithful friends and we prepared ourselves to move.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Consumption
A few months ago I was thinking a lot about the things we consume and why. I wrote these questions out of curiosity, to see what other people were thinking on the subject. I am still loking for responses.
This is a survey to discover patterns and insights on consumption. I am looking forward to your lengthy answers, but if you don't feel you can answer at length in this format, please elaborate on at least one question.
Initially, does the word "consumption" bring positive or negative connotations to mind? Explain.
Have your consumption habits changed over the last five years? Increased or decreased? Has this been intentional or passive? Explain.
Have you seen any positive or negative affects in your life due to changes in your consumption?
Do you now use or have you used a set of specific criteria for how you spend money?
Do you often contemplate wants versus needs when making decisions?
Discuss conservation techniques that you use, if any, for these resources:
money?
water?
electricity?
food?
clothing?
other consumables?
"things", products?
transportation?
household cleaning?
laundry and dish cleaning?
your time?
What other resources are you aware of that you would like to personally conserve?
In which of these resources are you convicted of the most personal waste?
Are there goods and/or services you have recently decided to live without? Explain.
Please explain two or more personal views that affect your consumption?
Please explain two or more external forces that affect your consumption?
What scriptures come to mind when you think of consumption and conservation?
How does your consumption or lack thereof relate to your spirituality?
How do you relate your personal consumption to global resources, economies and relationships?
Do you have a desire or a priority to change your consumption habits? Explain?
This is a survey to discover patterns and insights on consumption. I am looking forward to your lengthy answers, but if you don't feel you can answer at length in this format, please elaborate on at least one question.
Initially, does the word "consumption" bring positive or negative connotations to mind? Explain.
Have your consumption habits changed over the last five years? Increased or decreased? Has this been intentional or passive? Explain.
Have you seen any positive or negative affects in your life due to changes in your consumption?
Do you now use or have you used a set of specific criteria for how you spend money?
Do you often contemplate wants versus needs when making decisions?
Discuss conservation techniques that you use, if any, for these resources:
money?
water?
electricity?
food?
clothing?
other consumables?
"things", products?
transportation?
household cleaning?
laundry and dish cleaning?
your time?
What other resources are you aware of that you would like to personally conserve?
In which of these resources are you convicted of the most personal waste?
Are there goods and/or services you have recently decided to live without? Explain.
Please explain two or more personal views that affect your consumption?
Please explain two or more external forces that affect your consumption?
What scriptures come to mind when you think of consumption and conservation?
How does your consumption or lack thereof relate to your spirituality?
How do you relate your personal consumption to global resources, economies and relationships?
Do you have a desire or a priority to change your consumption habits? Explain?
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